26 09 2010

The other day I was at a movie theater when I had to empty my bag. I was in the bathroom in the act of emptying when it hit me how weird this is. That I had a bag literally full of poop stuck on my belly and nobody around me had any idea. Nobody at work looked at me and said, “what is that giant bump under your clothes?” Nobody smelled anything. For everyone else, I’m completely normal.

And I am completely normal.

I changed my bag a little bit after that and I didn’t put it on well. For the first time in many months I was conscious of it being there; I felt like it might fall off or something and that freaked me out. Right after my surgery that’s how I always felt. I was afraid all the time of leaks or just something horrifying like COULD THE BAG JUST FALL RIGHT OFF? But it never has. Have I had a few leaks? Yeah. But overall they were my fault. And after I changed it and did a better job yesterday, I went back to not thinking about it all the time.

It’s a weird thing. I don’t feel like it’s uncomfortable, i don’t spend my time worrying about it. But I am conscious of how full my ostomy gets. I can usually tell when it’s about to get talkative and I cover my belly with an arm to muffle the sounds. I talk about it and joke about it, and I am so happy that I’ve had the opportunity to have an ostomy and live my life.




2 responses

7 02 2011

I’m seriously going to refer anyone I know that needs an ostomy to you. Honestly, you do a great job of being real, but also being positive. I am not so great at this all the time. I’m still glad that I am healthier now, I just still have a hard time with the ostomy. I’m mostly over it…but now…almost a year in, and I’m still constantly concerned with it falling off, smelling ect.

Mostly now because I have a pyoderma and it makes it leak earlier and smell. Not smell like poop, but smell like wound. Its gross dude. Gross.

8 02 2011

thank you so much! i think your mindset going into an ostomy is very different if you know it’s going to be permanent/reversed. if you think about reversal, than of course this not-normal thing sucks. but if you know that’s what you’ve got, then it’s a lot easier to adjust to your life that way.

also, super glad i haven’t had to deal with pyroderma. every time i read about it it freaks me out. not cool.

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